The Starry Skies Above: Astro Reports
Aries Rage on Ram! Buoyant Jupiter and assertive Mars join forces in your fifth house of pleasure, so when it comes to love and fame, fortune favors the foolhardy. But while you often tend to head-butt your way solo into the star-zone, until September 9 partnerships are exceptionally beneficial: the one nibbling your ear has words of wisdom too.
Taurus A ray of sunshine lights up chronic family issues this August, releasing what’s been trapped on the dark side of the moon. Surprising acts of faith help break down barriers of pride. It’s a challenge—take it up. Your personal reward comes in September when all manners of delicacies are served up, just the way you like them. Ooooh.
Gemini The end of August is your Saturnalia: expect scenes of wild revelry and tumult. However, they will all occur overseas, or on an airplane, and have no effect whatsoever on the hum-drum and restrictive circumstances of your continuing struggle to assert yourself with tenacity and focus. August 22 is your escape clause: use it or lose it, babe.
Cancer Ok, so Lady Luck (that fat chappy in drag who’s been serenading you all summer) finally deserts you in August for the high times in the lion’s den, but shed not a tear, my dear. Mean spirited, green-eyed types will now leave you alone as well, while September brings a deepening passion, and an out-of-body sexual experience on the 21st.
Leo Print the invitations and the program, full-color, high-impact and glossy. The Cat in the Hat is back, in style and on the prowl. The Met is leaving desperate messages, but the New Moon on August 8 ushers in a radical new attitude toward the self, so dye every hair on your body a different shade, and stage Carmen on the rooftops. You can do no wrong.
Virgo Your task in August is to perfectly express your secret self, drafting notices of intent and declaration of self-interest, dotting i’s and crossing t’s in skilled calligraphy. In September take action: post those letters from the jailhouse of your soul. Then September 21 won’t catch you unawares: one way or another it spells intense emotional release.
Libra All August you’re a troubadour, sonnets, and villanelles veritably tripping off your tongue, while most uncharacteristically you jump off the fence and start to galvanize family and friends into action on behalf of poets in garrets everywhere. But beware philistines who’d send you right to Rikers, or September sees you storming padded walls.
Scorpio Remember when you swore you’d never be in a suit? Unless it was Armani? Well, August is the time to make good the vow. Keep that artist in you tightly under lock and key, chain your lover up in the dungeon, and demand all the power and prestige going. September 9 delivers lonely Venus to your door, then you can loosen your tie.
Sagittarius Remember that nasty, devious Plutonic force you’ve been contending with all summer? Aka your own subconscious urges? Well, good news. On August 27, the dark planet does a volte-face, and with jolly Jupiter in your house of travel (yes, I know it sounds oxymoronic), it’s time to take your insights and move outward, upward, on.
Capricorn Who would suspect? Beneath that thin-lipped, immaculate exterior pulse the loins of a reckless, roving slut. In August anyway: your month of hot sexual pursuits and big fact checks as well. So auction off your home-video porn collection, then fly to Amsterdam on the profits in September. You deserve it. You alone know you really do.
Aquarius You’ve been flirting with your own genius genie in the mirror all summer, and come the Full Moon on August 22, it’s time to polish the ultimate product of your inventive, fevered mind, and let the trained professionals take over. Come September this could mean a strategic affair with your manager or translator. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Pisces Time for the fish to stop frolicking and pat a smidgen of attention to work. For come August there is no better time to prove why more Pisces are millionaires than any other sign. Something, perchance, to do with applied psychic intuition? September brings romance in Paris. Or with a Zapatista rebel. Or both. Just sweetly take your pick.